so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
