just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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