I wish I could teleport
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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