It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
