we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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