woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
