i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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