Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
