There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
