At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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