I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
