You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
