Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
