Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
