And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
