I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
