My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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