fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
