He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
