Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
