Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
