Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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