clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
