Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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