i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
