you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
