I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
