just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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