i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
In America we eat man semen.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
