I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
