I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
