Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
