if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
