R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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