Already got asked if we're dating
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
