Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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