Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
