dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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