I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
don't judge my taste in strippers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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