If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
