dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
