I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
