i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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