I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
