All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i think my cat just said my name.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
