it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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