He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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