It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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