he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
