Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No subtext here. People are naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
