suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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