who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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