So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
