She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
