I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
